Yahoo! isn't the bastion of air-tight journalism like TMZ.com. OBVIOUSLY. I mean, we can't all hope to break the "Michael Jackson is maybe dead but we'll just go ahead and confirm that he's dead ourselves" stories, right? But at least Yahoo! can keep up with things like "Jon and Kate announce divorce! What about the kids?!?" You know, slightly more evergreen stories that are 100% pertinent and really important to all our lives.
Unfortunately, Yahoo! cannot do even this. Their featured headlines are always on mach-10 what-the-fuck? mode. I'm constantly logging into Yahoo! [Ed.'s note: I only log into Yahoo! to check my fantasy football and baseball scores. SPORTS!!!] and seeing all manner of vapid and banal headlines. It's enough to make me read the articles just to see if they're as vapid and banal as the headlines suggest. So I guess good job, Yahoo! Reverse psychologist doctors over there at Yahoo!, everybody.
Anyway, tonight's featured headlines that are sending me to the brain hospital:
Secrets waiters aren't telling you
Who first called [Michael] Jackson 'King of Pop?'
Rhode Island may change its official name
These are the featured headlines? These are currently the most pressing issues of which the Yahoo! demographic should be interested and appraised?
No, Yahoo! No.
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